and then it was 6 months....
at six months i'm definitely, clearly, obviously pregnant. at my last dr appointment i had gained exactly 16 pounds and perfectly on track, although my jaw dropped and i was a little in shock. it's not so easy to gain back all the weight (and them some!) you worked so hard to get off and to keep it off. anyhow, im rocking my baby bump and when i go out, its obviously obvious there's a baby somewhere in there.
at six months i'm getting anxious. antsy. and anxiously antsy overwhelmed. there's so much to do and never enough time or energy to do it. and i know it'll only get harder to do things from here! (which contributes to the antsy anxiousness). i want everything to be ready for my bambino now, but i know i'll never really be ready. he'll just arrive and it'll just work itself out naturally.
at six months i'm beginning to doubt my abilities. with my anxious overwhelmedness, i'm starting to question me being able to do this, be a mom. before it was the whole giving birth that freaked me out. well, i dont think that will ever go away...but rather i'm learning to deal with it, reading articles, books, taking classes, being educated and trying to learn how to manage pain and anxiety with relaxing and finding my happy place. but now, it's the whole being a mom. having an actual baby to take care of, in addition to life, in addition to not loosing myself. i realize i wont loose myself, but sometimes it's so easy to loose yourself in the day to day of everything. work, chores, work, chores, chores, bills, etc etc. it took me until recently to balance my office job and myself, and i lost a bit of my art along the way.
at six months i'm crafting the stress away. at six months the crafts contribute to the anxious overwhelming antsyness. i've always crafted away my worries and gone into my happy place. at six months i craft and think to myself there are so many other things i should be doing to get ready for bambino. there's so much to do and i'm crafting. but i'm learning the balance between what needs to get done and what i need to do for my self and my own sanity.
at six months the hormones flare back up. my fingers swell at night and when its hot. i wake up and can't go back to sleep (though i found out its often because im hungry so i eat a small something and lay back down).at six months our bathroom is almost done. its harder to get in and out of the big truck without running boards or the tub for that matter. at six months bambino dances on my bladder and i feel him all the time, flip, kick, hiccup, hiccup, dance, dance, dance. i smell everything (in the tub i could smell instantly when hubby brought in the christmas tree). at six months i've never been more in love with my husband. and happy. and reflective on all the things and roads it took us to get here. last night i framed some little collages of us over the years. he said "we've done so much together." at six months im tired. i want to nap at work. i look at baby stuff online, i write blogs, i ponder babies and wish i could just be home. at six months i do way more housework than i have in a long time, trying to prepare myself for his arrival.
at six months i turn 27
